Q. How come frigate birds are found in Montana?

A.     They are male frigate birds, the ones with the big red throat sacks that fill up like balloons during sexual arousal. Some of these birds become so excited, with such great expansive balloons, that they rise straight up, their wings pinned back, floating clear off from the whole Galapagos archipelago. They drift helplessly on upper wind currents all the way to places like Arvada, Montana, where the coolness of the jetstream produces gradual contraction and they waft gently down. A frigate bird was also in North Dakota once, where it was mistaken for a turkey with a goiter and sold to Wisconsin for Thanksgiving.