Q. Are pilot fish associated in any way with flying fish?

A. Not at all. A pilot fish lives in the mouth of a whale. When he goes to work in the

morning, he says to his wife, “I’m leaving for the orifice,” and that’ll be his day, darting in and out  

of whale’s teeth for his sustenance. His name is a misnomer, and he has nothing to do with your   true flying fish—or your fake one, for that matter. Flying fish, by the way, do have a sort of lateral 

fin-wing on each side. But they do not have, and never have had, propellers. Also, they never fly 

non-stop anywhere, but only make short hops. That might be because they've been de-

regulated. They’ll discontinue stewardesses next.